Life Flashed Before Mi Eyes

Today, i did sumthing bad. I could swear it was the workings of that lil red dude with horns, a tail and a pitchfork seated on my left shoulder. Sigh. I very much detest this part of me that gives in easily to a certain sin. Its not like i've never tried strappin miself to the virtuous ways. I have, but, ye, i sppose he got the best of me... again.

When i got home, i took a quik sip of whisky, off the bottle and dropped on my bed, shut my eyes tryin hard to empty my mind of the sinful act i've just commited. But just then, fragments of my life flashed before my eyes. What had been, what's becomin, what's gonna be; all in a matter of seconds. I must say, i did not like it one bit. I am 26 la now, fer cryin out loud! I shud be able to say i've done this and that, or at least, denote on being almost settled.
Sighs. Even with mi eyes closed, dust still finds its way in.

I'm sick and tired to always fall prey to this me. For once, i wanna look at miself in the mirror and say, 'Thevan, u did good, u sure did! U THA MAN!". It's a luxury i've yet to experience in this phase of mi life. I feel like.. actually, i know i've failed so many, either directly or indirectly. I can only say, i'm sorry. I'm sorry i let u all down.

Home is just 8 days away now. The excitement of goin home is slowly flakin, and am beginin to have doubts on whether i shud go home. The option on the other hand is to stay here, in this shythole and work mi blu arse off in a farm(end-yr gig). A gig that pays well, or so i've been told, close to 3.5k AUD in 6 weeks. 6 weeks of mental and physical torture. Would i be man enough to throw away my flight ticket and heed to this 'oppurtunity' or will i just chicken out, like how i've always done. I've got less than a week to find out.

~For now, Thanny jugak.



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Gossip Girl - TV

Gossip Girl. Ye!, its as gay as it sounds, but hey, if you are stuck in a shythole, lol, i guess anything goes eh. Seriously.

This show is spposedly inspired by a book. Or shud i say a series of books? Like wtf la weyy, this is like those books, forgot what its called, i think VSU or Summervale-dale or sumshyt like dat(the ones an 'assuntarian' 15yr ol school girl in the mid 90's will spot as an accessory - no offense to those who did) makin it big in the TV industry. LOL. I'm zippin my gap hereof. Sensing a nasty feedback fr a fren on this. Seriously, i meant no offence!

It has a lil of The OC, Tree Hill thing goin on. Ye, seriously, how does one sit thru OC ?! Okie, okie, *takes a hard sip of whisky, Grant stylez* wat made this show a tad more appealin to me, were, the lil hints of Californication(A highly recommended watch), as well as the cast, the female ones BABES in precise. Definitely lotsa 'HottieAlert' moment.

Allow me to sum it up in a nutshell; Gossip Girl. is very much cliched with the one too many tv shows on tv,(along the lines of OC that is) i'd reckon you cud afford to pass. Really, if u gonna be askin me if its a recommended watch? I'd say, Hell NOo! unless of course, if you haf absolutely ran out of options! On a sec thot, maybe dun take my word fer it, try watchin an episode, or two, see if u might like it.

*downloaded Chuck(tv show) till ep8. will be watchin it in abit, after my brekky maybe. LOL sighs, I MISS the brekky NASI LEMAK, the ol skool ones that comes with less than a quarter telur rebus and wrapped in banana leave and brown paper! Sighs, lol, how i remember, i'd never fail to go "iyoo makcikk, tambah lagi la makcik!".


fckdp fri mood

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Get Up Dammit!

I fell. And before i got up, there's this huge boulder placed over me when i was still layin on the ground. Its way too heavy. A lil too much fer this measly being. I know, i know, i shud haf gotten up earlier. Sighs. Shud've been quik to get back up on mi feet to avoid times like these, sighs, like i said, too mucha a weakling i am, and ye, it is mi all i haf to blame.

Only time can tell if i'd sum up enuff to embrace it, or, if it will just flatten me, and the sick thing is, i'm actually enticed by the idea of being squished under a massive rock. Can u say masochism? Freakish eh? LOL. Speakin of masochism, err... wait, lets leave it at this fer now. I'll post up an entry on it in due time.

Gotta go hit the books now, exams in 14 hrs time, and i've only done the 'flickin thru the pages' stage. Sighs. AAARRrrrGggggGGGGHHHhhhhHHHhh. Imma damned.


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Memory

The watch reads 4am now, and ye, i'm desperately tryin to fixate myself to the idea of studyin fer a quiz i have tomm, at 9am. I've got it all set, made a playlist to accompany me while i study; filled my stomach up with a serving of indomie and chips; got my rollies all rolled ready to be smoked up; got my books and notes and all that jargon shyt out and laid it in front of me. It seems like i've got it all ready to go, sighs, but the fact is, i'm still missing sumthin, the drive, the motivation, the ARggghHhhHRGggggHhEERGGHHHHHh!! Watever happend to mi fckin ol'self! Sighs. I cant even do the last minute thingy like how i used to. Sighs. Okie, okies, better get back to the the books and try harder eh!

Neways, this post was inspired by a song i came across while doin up my playlist. Thot i'd share it on this post fer all to listen. Ye. All i have is left is memory and until sum awesome fckshyt comes up with a device to allow me to transport miself back thru time, i shall be strapped tight to this time. The present.
LoL. Ken, was it Winston Churchill who said its calld present becos its a present? LoL. May i just beg to differ? :p

I wanna get back to the time wen i was a 'real' student la. Sighs, the memories of me being a a good student is all i have. I don't think its possible to be the student i once was anymore. The age is gettin the best out of me! Fck gettin old! Fck being a student. Fck screwin up. All in all fck everything la!


SugarCult-Memory
(an excerpt);
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?


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Forever Is Overated. Or is it?

A minute ago i was watchin a choc ad(Fling) that said Forever Is Overrated and i simply couldn't agree more; The next minute i'm watchin this video and i am contradicting miself. Sighs. I started askin miself lotsa a senseless questions, knowing i'll be ensnared in an emotional dilemma that will prolly ruin the rest of my day.. or watever thats left of it. Sighs.

The afore mentiond video. Nice one. Watch on!


This tendency of gettin over-analytical that leads to self inflicted depression; its a disease. And i'm at that critical stage. It's only time until it consumes the rest of me.

*Just in case I lose miself later today(metaphorically of course), i wish the the rest of u guys out there the brobdingnagian of luck to face this ever-fckdup world. U'll definitely need it!


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Espresso's Makes Me Go Crazy!

Ah! It's a fckin friday...AGAIN, and i haven't got a wink of sleep, PLUS i'm fckin all high on espressos. There's just somethin bout coffee dat makes me go all fckdup! Crazy Shyt!!

I'm feeling pretty much invincible right now, like... i can ftw! or anything that comes in the way of me doin so, yet, i feel like i'm tied dwn to sumthing. Hmm.. allow me to use an analogy to precisely describe wat i'm feeling right now; okie, get this, it's like a imma fckin bulldog on the leash out to get the poor lo-life postman. Ye! Xactly like dat!
Neways, it's euphoric man!!!

Be fckfacin my tutorial assignments in a bit, and i'm not quite sure if i cud make it to the class in time. I dont wanna go!!!!
i wanna just wank and fckin bum ard all day man!

Fckfce all outta fckdluck.. or, is he just fckin it all up fer himself?

-FckCounter: 11



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Light At The End Of The Tunnel?

I've walked long and far. I'm tired. Please, tell me! Where is this bright white light i'm supposed to walk unto?

Nights in this shythole are pretty much depressin and for some reason tonight is seemingly a tad more melancholic, BUT, thanks to a quik chat with a friend whom i've unwillingly distanced from fer a while ago, i'm gonna be hitting the sack with smiles on mi face. :)
Just before that, i've allowed miself to travel back to the time when i was in my mid-teens, recalling how she has this ability to gracefully grasp complaints and rants thrown at her, rolls them out into nice balls of joy, and hits it right back at the giving end. Lol, picture that! Xcuse me, for i just finished watchin an episode of Heroes, and lol, hope that explains the panache.

Man, i've got to hand it to her. She was indeed one hecka company!, and to think i was made to 'conveniently' dis-affilliate fr her and a coupla other cool female acquaintances, sighs, such a shame. i'm real sorry that it had to happen or rather, allowed it to happen. Blinded i was. Blek.

Okie okie, i'm done here. Just felt like i needed to get this out in the open, so ye! Am glad i did!



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Bluffin My Blu Arse Away

Ye, guess the hiatus ain't gonna happen anytime soon eh. It prolly won't, until i take the flight home; and that'll be in;
45 days and counting.
AAahhhh... fckin love the idea of goin home, but to know i'll never get to Deepavali with my family this year ard too, sighs, simply saddening. I've missed 3 Deepavali's already. Ye, sure they save the murukku's and that sweet ball thingy and all that.. but.. its not the same la.. sighs. Oooh, oooh, usually be @ granma's place for Deep's, missing the oil bath early in the Deepavali morn, racing with 20 other cousins fer the bath, prayers, ohhh ohhh; Get this, we literally pick out a goat and some chickens fr the bckyrd, love the pickin out sessions but hate the butchery later on tho. LOL, I'll always find some good xcuse to avoid fr being in the kitchen when they do that..iyaa... miss home dy la. i WANNA GO HOME !!!

Damn. I'm addicted to Scrabolous on FaceBook. Here I am in the wee hrs of the morn, refreshin my board every 1 min to see if its my turn. But no. No one is online... i'm left alone, succumbin to this fckd up feeling, and the the tinkers, yet again go, "Ye, of course they're not!, unlike u, they fckin have a life! so move on already btcharse!". Blek.

Also been reading up on random peoples blog. Its sumthing i'm doin quite alot nowadays. It can be so 'much fun'(if u are stuck in a shythole that is) and educative i tell you.
Came across a few blogs that was 'bookmarks' worthy and i thot i'd share a couple or mo of ones that made my 'bookmark'. so here u go;
Post Secret (watch the u-tube trailer, awesomeness)
The Blogger Mom
Kav's Kollage


Special Report
The World's Billionaires
03.08.07, 6:00 PM ET

Region is

Asia & Australia Europe & Russia Latin America Middle East & Africa North America

Rank	Name	Citizenship	Age	Net Worth ($bil)	Residence
9	Li Ka-shing	Hong Kong	78	23.0	Hong Kong
14	Mukesh Ambani	India	49	20.1	India
18	Anil Ambani	India	47	18.2	India
21	Azim Premji	India	61	17.1	India
22	Lee Shau Kee	Hong Kong	79	17.0	Hong Kong
31	Raymond, Thomas & Walter Kwok	Hong Kong	NA	15.0	Hong Kong
62	Kushal Pal Singh	India	75	10.0	India
69	Sunil Mittal & family	India	49	9.5	India
86	Kumar Birla	India	39	8.0	India
86	Shashi & Ravi Ruia	India	NA	8.0	India
104	Stanley Ho	Hong Kong	85	7.0	Hong Kong
104	Tsai Hong-tu & family	Taiwan	54	7.0	Taiwan
104	Robert Kuok	Malaysia	83	7.0	Hong Kong
113	Cheng Yu-tung	Hong Kong	81	6.5	Hong Kong
114	Ramesh Chandra	India	67	6.4	India
118	Ng Teng Fong	Singapore	78	6.1	Singapore
119	Ananda Krishnan	Malaysia	68	6.0	Malaysia
129	Masayoshi Son	Japan	49	5.8	Japan
132	Akira Mori & family	Japan	69	5.7	Japan
137	Pallonji Mistry	India	77	5.6	India
142	Terry Gou	Taiwan	56	5.5	Taiwan
142	James Packer	Australia	39	5.5	Australia
152	Michael Kadoorie & family	Hong Kong	66	5.3	Hong Kong
157	YC Wang & family	Taiwan	90	5.1	Taiwan
167	Nobutada Saji & family	Japan	61	4.7	Japan

nota bene:

hmmm.. ye, i am fully aware that mi blog posts comes off a lil malformed. In case u haven't it's bcos i lack the continuity in my posts, ye, never had the flair in writing, plus, i never finish a post in one sitting :p, the occasional ciggy breaks, the idiot box, the smart box and what not.



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Nasi Lemak Oh Nasi Lemak, Di Mana Ngkau

AARrrGGggggGGHHhhgghhhHh !!!
I shud not be layan-ing this shyt now, i know .. i know.. but i can't help it, there's these tinkers workin deep inside mi head, 2 of them to be xact, makin a mess out of it! I see them! Shoo-Shoo. Go away now, leave me alone.

~
Never had telur mata kerbau for brekky, twas penkek's with maple sirap (typo was intended) instead. Sigh.. i'd give anything for a plate of good ol' m'sian nasi lemak with telur mata kerbau, and kasi nasi tambah mind u.

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West Ham Utd Vs Millwall

Here i am, not quite awake, it is, 7 am ffs! Did not get to sleep at all last night. Nope, i was NOT up studying nor did i complete on my assignments that were due... yesterday. Ye, so, what was it that i did?
Bluntly, i don't really know. Seriously. The last time i glimpsed at the clock, it read a lil over 2 am and now, it is 7 in the fckin misty morn. aaahh, at least i'd make it fer brekky, they better fckin have telur mata kerbaus' waitin for me! Sigh. I'm perturbed, i'm not in the sane state of mind right now, i fckin feel like screwin the world, UPsideDown! (Red-Alert)

Ooh, i'm forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air, they fly so high, nearly reach the sky, then like my dreams they fade and die.. ooohOOhhooohhhooohh.. I'm dreaming dreams, i'm scheming schemes, i'm building castles high. They're born anew, their days are few, just like a sweet butterfly and as the daylight is dawning,they come again in the morning! ooohhh, COME ALL LETS SING along, oohhh, when shadows creep, when i'm asleep, to lands of hope i stray! Then at daybreak, when i awake,my bluebird flutters away. *SHOUT NOW, "Happiness, you seem so near me, Happiness, come forth and cheer me!"

That there, was a song written sumtime in 1919. Its 1st verse and the chorus were excerpted and adopted by the West Ham Utd fans and will be known as the club's anthem..almost a half a decade later.

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Amends, Up My Sweet Blu Arse

And all mi plans to make sweet amends is being thrusted up mi sweet blu arse.. yet again.

its real funny how things fall into places in the sickest way possible, just a lil bit too much of a coincidece i must say, and yet here i am, ploddin, contemplatin, on events that took place over the past 2 years.
it's kickin me all over in the face again.
i could only wish, she could taste a portion of the pain i'm goin thru.

*sighzz.. u, ye, u! why not load up a gun and fckin shoot me right in the head, and watch it blow. sounds fun?


tormented, inside out.
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Lost Our Psionic Bond

MI HATE ze FRIDAYS mi in zis shythole! fridays ere iz much zifferent zhan zhe fridays mi used to haf bak home! iyooo!!.. mi no like it ere! mi wanna go zhe home!!

Fridays back home meant alot to me. Fridays then, were simply... errr.. simply magical, mind-boggling, fantabolous! its that one day of the week when i get the happiesttt out of miself. sigh.. now now!.. do we all see where i'm goin with this post? ye, i'd better lay off this subject fer a bit. its just too emotionally draining.
maybe goin out fer a smokes, adoring mother nature's creation, might help replenish my will to carry on with the weeknd... and we shall see how this post continues. brb.

sigh. nope. wasnt any help. i'm damned. i am dilated in disbelief.

i should've just gone out with ah tim dey all fer BB.

sigh..excuse me, mi frens, i'm off to an astral imprisonment. HEY, Harbinger, take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls are preety! Take me home, Oh, won't you please take me home.


n.b.: Teleports a target allied or enemy hero into an astral prison. The hero remains separated from the real world for the duration of the spell. If cast on an enemy, Harbinger absorbs 2 intelligence per second. Intelligence is restored to the hero after 60
seconds.

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Funny Familiar Forgotten Feelings

"Funny Familiar Forgotten Feelings"
by Tom Jones

Last night, quietly, she walked through my mind
As I lay searching for sleep.
Her soft hand reached out, she whispered my name
As she brushed a tear from my cheek.
And then those funny familiar forgotten feelings
started walkin' all over my mind.
It's sad, so sad to watch love go bad,
but a true love would not have gone wrong.
I'm just thankful for the good times we've had
for without them I could not go on,
With all these funny familiar forgotten feelings
walkin' all over my mind.
I must go on, be strong,
tho' a million teardrops may fall,
Before these funny familiar forgotten feelings
stop walk' all over my mind.




the reason music sells :)

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Dust hits the eye, as i look to the Horizon.

sigh.. so here i am, on a saturday night, sippin away on the william grant's family reserve, when the world is out there on the lawn havin a blast at the water party. Just went out a bit, fer a ciggy, and i'd have to say, it looks like fun out there. The water balloons, the poorly erected pool, water machine guns, the GIRLS in bikini's, the alcohol and the good ol' fashioned aussie barbi... and yet, here i am, ploddin thru my weekend, utterly clueless of the way i'm feeling right now.

sigh.. amidst the noise the party-goers're making outside, i can still somehow hear tis faint voice in mi head, sayin, "okie, fine theva! if u r gonna be sittin in yur room, doin nuthin but being miserable, u might as well as get started on yur lab journal or yur assignments. fck this shytty feelin n get back on yur feet, u biatch!". If only i could heed the words of mi wise head. sigh..if onlies, we all have our 'if-onlies", don't we?

AAAARRRRRGGGHHHH...fck tis, i'm off fer anotha smokes!

Pick up the sadness, toss it away. Look to the horizon, sunset's smiling at the day.
-dan smerglia-

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