Today, i did sumthing bad. I could swear it was the workings of that lil red dude with horns, a tail and a pitchfork seated on my left shoulder. Sigh. I very much detest this part of me that gives in easily to a certain sin. Its not like i've never tried strappin miself to the virtuous ways. I have, but, ye, i sppose he got the best of me... again.
When i got home, i took a quik sip of whisky, off the bottle and dropped on my bed, shut my eyes tryin hard to empty my mind of the sinful act i've just commited. But just then, fragments of my life flashed before my eyes. What had been, what's becomin, what's gonna be; all in a matter of seconds. I must say, i did not like it one bit. I am 26 la now, fer cryin out loud! I shud be able to say i've done this and that, or at least, denote on being almost settled.
Sighs. Even with mi eyes closed, dust still finds its way in.
I'm sick and tired to always fall prey to this me. For once, i wanna look at miself in the mirror and say, 'Thevan, u did good, u sure did! U THA MAN!". It's a luxury i've yet to experience in this phase of mi life. I feel like.. actually, i know i've failed so many, either directly or indirectly. I can only say, i'm sorry. I'm sorry i let u all down.
Home is just 8 days away now. The excitement of goin home is slowly flakin, and am beginin to have doubts on whether i shud go home. The option on the other hand is to stay here, in this shythole and work mi blu arse off in a farm(end-yr gig). A gig that pays well, or so i've been told, close to 3.5k AUD in 6 weeks. 6 weeks of mental and physical torture. Would i be man enough to throw away my flight ticket and heed to this 'oppurtunity' or will i just chicken out, like how i've always done. I've got less than a week to find out.
~For now, Thanny jugak.
tt.
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